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Northwest Passages: Lauren Kessler
Author Lauren Kessler writes non-fiction because it thrusts her right in the middle of life. To write fiction, she says, you don't really have to leave the house.
And I love to leave the house. You only get to live this one small life, and when you write non-fiction you can spend three or four years living another life. And really understanding other people or another place.
Most recently, Kessler dug into the life of teenagers — specifically her daughter Lizzie. When Lizzie on the cusp of teenagedom, Kessler realized their relationship was going into terrible territory.
Who is this girl I live with, this twelve-year-old, this daughter I wanted so badly and now don’t know how to connect with? And who do I turn into when we lock horns, as we do most days, on…well, on just about everything. We fight about taking showers, choosing appropriate clothing (flip flops in December?), food and nutrition (she recognizes only two food groups: cheese and deep-fried), table manners, chores, homework, screen time. We fight over everything, and nothing. Most mornings we eye each other warily, waiting to see who will cast the first stone – neither of us free of sin, both of us well armed.
That's from the opening chapter of Kessler's new book, My Teenage Werewolf. Kessler says she had to write it to survive. And for her, writing starts with research. So Kessler went back to middle school - following Lizzie from the classroom to the locker room, to observe her daughter in her own world.
Now Lizzie is 16 — and if the book was meant to nurture a mother-daughter relationship, it may well have succeeded. Lizzie told me this:
You don't think fighting is horrible when you're fighting, then after the book, I would think to myself, I can't believe I would ever be that cruel, or stubborn, or stupid. I think the book made us take a step back, and look at our conversations. People usually don't, and they keep fighting.
Now they blog and YouTube together. Lizzie and Lauren will be part of this conversation. And we'll delve into the rest of Lauren's extensive writing life too. Before My Teenage Werewolf, she has written about Alzheimer's, a Cold War girl spy, and U of O women's basketball. You can hear her on Think Out Loud last year, talking about her book Stubborn Twig, which tells the story of a Japanese-American family in Oregon from 1903 through the World War II internment camps. You can watch a short profile of her on OPB's Art Beat.
Have you read any of Lauren Kessler's books? Have you taken a course from her at U of O? What would you like to know about how Lauren and Lizzie navigated their relationship during and after the book? What have you done to survive the teenage-parent relationship?
Tagged as: books · lauren kessler · northwest passages · teenager · writing
Photo credit: Kent Petersen
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Vitalpac, please refrain from continued personal attacks. You are well aware that this is not the kind of dialogue we're interested in at Think Out Loud.
Sarah Rothenfluch, executive producer, Think Out Loud
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Everyone, including the daughter featured in this book, should be entitled to a zone of privacy in their life. At best, the author appears intrusive.
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We might travel to the Moon or the deepest Ocean or split the Atom...but Good Luck trying to understand the teen-age mind.
If there was one launch button to destroy the world and a sign that says "DO NOT PRESS", THEN a teen ager probably will press it. Just because.
Do you feel safer that there are Teen Ager's in the White House? I see stormy Presidential Crisis ahead--and that is just the High School Years.
Like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and all Religions, there are unknowables that are mysterious and will remain so.
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I remember reading in a Buddhist book, that 'your children are your best teachers'. I have always liked that idea. And I can say that my own teen boys go the extra mile to help me learn patience.
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As a parent of a one-year daughter (always thinking about those future "werewolf" teen years), I'm listening to this show with great interest. I wonder what one or two pieces of advice Lauren might give for how to get through this challenging period with kids!
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The research Psychologist Alison Gopnik, PhD., has co-written two books about babies, "The Scientist in the Crib" and "The Philosophical Baby", and they present a very different view of babies , so I recommend reading them and a July 2010 Scientific American article, "How babies Think".
Hmm, and look into "Positive Psychology".
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The idea that these teen problems are inevitable is wrong. One example of a culture where they raise children differently and so do not have these problems is Bali. I suggest that we study and learn from what the people of Bali do.
I first learned about what the people of Bali do, in a personal development seminar at the Eugene, Oregon, Company, Wings-Seminars.
I recommend that while Emily and the producers and engineers are in Eugene, they call and stop by and talk to the Wings folks about the different ideas possible. And I very much suggest that Lauren Kessler and her daughter Lizzie, check into it and consider trying it out.
I did that back in the early 1990s and it was one of the best investments in myself that I ever made. In fact, I suggest a TOL show talking with the Wings people and maybe some participants.
Just to be clear, I don't work for wings, this is just something I like.
wings-seminars.com
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One "Ah Ha!" I'm taking away from today's program is to really put myself in my daughters shoes while inter-twinning the observation of their behavior - engaging in the moment through observation. And to allow the expression of self in a safe environment - the home which I provide for my daughters.
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Back around the 1900s, the idea was that "children should be seen and not heard". And "Spare the rod and spoil the child" was still very in vogue.
I applaud the new attitudes about children, about loving them and treating them with respect.
We Americans have a long way to go on the path to bringing our children up to their full Human Potential. So I am glad that Ms Kessler wrote this book about her experiences, it is a good beginning.
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"So Kessler went back to middle school - following Lizzie from the classroom to the locker room, to observe her daughter in her own world"
Yikes >. mother smother>. I'm surprised the kid didnt run away. I predict long term resentment for a mother who "subjugates" a child.