RECENTLY ON TOL:
- A tumblr site dedicated to the people and places that make up Oregon and Southwest Washington.
Let me first say that anyone who choses egg donation is not doing this as a first choice - clearly, I would have rather had a child the way most people do, which involves no one but me and my partner. My genetics would have been passed down to my child, period.
But like many others who suffer from infertility, I was denied that option. After suffering through many rounds of infertility treatments including multiple IVFs, two early miscarriages and one stillbirth early in my third trimester, I made the very difficult decision to turn to donor egg.
Selecting an egg donor is not about my "quest to create the ideal child." It is about selecting someone who has traits that I might want to pass on to my child, period. What I value is intensely personal and is different from what other women value - why should I make a judgement on their choices? I wanted someone who looked somewhat like me (similar hair color, eye color, height), and had similar educational aspirations. I suppose if I really wanted a donor that went to my alma mater, for example, I could have found that person. Or let's say I have a beautiful voice and I've always wanted to pass that on to my child - is it wrong for me to try to find a donor that also sings beautifully? If my entire family's hair is red, is it wrong for me to search for a donor with red hair? These are the choices we make. I don't think that means those genes are 'better,' they are just important to me (as examples). Other women may emphasize different traits. I see no reason why there should be limits on what is important to egg donor recipients or how selective they want to be. Most of us come to realize that being too selective has its trade offs - it becomes more difficult and sometimes more expensive to find a donor.
Think for a moment what you would choose to emphasize if you had to find someone to effectively replace your genes. It isn't that easy, I assure you.
Finally, I'm so tired of journalists trotting out the extreme cases to make a point they think is generalizable to the population. The vast majority of donors receive less than 10,000 in compensation for their time and effort. The $50,000 IVF league egg donor, if she exists, is the outlier, not the norm.
The ability to have a child through donor egg IVF is a wonderful gift, and I will always see it as that.
posted 3 years ago
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