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I'm the older sibling (35) of 3 younger siblings just getting done with college.  After the death of our primary parent, I was left with my other older siblings to help them get through college and 'launched'. 

1. Recent 'failures to launch' are definitely related to the economic downturn; but shouldn't be blamed completely on it.  My siblings had internships and experience, but the jobs absolutely dissappeared for many entry-level positions. 

2. During the roaring 2000's when money and jobs were plentiful, our kids were really raised/conditioned for expectations that I think are (possibly forever) gone.  There appears to be a real economic shift in our jobs/economy, and many of the old assumptions are no longer valid.  It was important to realize that they grew up in a world that may not exist - so it's no wonder they may struggle now.  But it's our job as guiding parents/adults to help train them for this new reality.

3. There is often a lack of gratitude from kids moving back in - who just expect things to get paid for them.  It took a long time for them to realize that an iPod cost real money - money that took a long time and was difficult to earn.

4. Learned helplessness is a *real* danger.  You must keep the 'pressure' to grow on or kids will just turn into 30 year old kids in your basement with a guitar and video game collection.  The best tool we had for teaching them this lesson was just to slowly lower them to minimal financial support and let the person feel the difficulty of how hard it was to earn that money.  Cable got shut off, internet, etc.  We made sure they had a roof, heat, and didn't starve and had health-care/transportation - but we would slowly ratched down the support until they would want to move on.  They would quickly get tired of 'always being broke' and it motivated them to get out and get a job so they could afford things without us having to nag or push.  We always made sure they had transportation and/or gas money to get to job interviews/jobs - but beyond that we didn't give them much.  Two of them lived on ramen noodles with no cable for a while before they got tired of it and went out and got jobs.  One has now moved out and has their own place and good job - the other is well on her way. 

5. I think a lot of kids from the boomarang generation do not look ahead much in their educational paths to see if they can actually make a living studying what they are. I don't know if this is a failure of colleges that have turned into degree mills, or if kids just have a very unrealistic vision of a job market just waiting to snatch them up with a C average in underwater basket weaving. 

With these steps, we were able to get 2 of the 3 on their way. They are much happier as are we.  The bonds of our family are now even tighter than ever - and our family grew through it. 

posted 2 years, 4 months ago
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