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I have a green business concept that rewards intelligent living and helps the environment. As we all know the elephant in the room of any global problem is population. There are too many of us, and more are coming. 

As the founder of Pop-n-Trade, I am its first employee. Here is how it works. You see, I am a childless adult. As such, countless tons of future carbon emissions have been prevented through my decision to forego progeny production.

Now, here's how the revenue stream is created. If you produce more than two children, then you will send me 25 dollars per month for every extra child you have. 

You will feel much better. Special cases, such as the Octo-mom, will receive a healthy discount. 

With that income to supplement my modest pension, I pledge to consume only local beer made from organic hops. Then I will donate the empty bottles to someone else here on Grand Avenue to cash in, thus enabling you to indirectly support an important facet of Portland's vibrant street culture. 

bob

P.S. I also pledge not to marry anyone who wants the big house. If you inhabit more than 700 square feet of personal living space (1000 for couples), then send me 25 dollars per month also. Then you may wander naked through your castle with the heat up to 80 guilt free.

posted 4 years, 2 months ago
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