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I am 52, and only for about 10 minutes of my life when I was 36 did I consider having children with my husband of 2 years.  Shortly after that I was diagnosed with breast cancer, had chemo, and that was the end of the possibility.  I felt mostly relief.  He did too.

Being the child of an alcoholic, mentally ill mother left me with a bad image of motherhood, and emotional issues I still deal with.  I had no role model that made it seem enjoyable, joyful, or something that would enrich life for anybody.  I never made a conscious decision not to have kids, and didn't have any pressure whatsoever from my family, friends, or spouse, so I didn't have to defend it, or even think about it much. 

I have never had a maternal feeling toward any child, nor could I picture myself as a mom--rather, kids have always made me feel vaguely uneasy--which is pretty much how my mother reacted to children. 

It was my feeling all along that motherhood should be left to those who felt certain they could love a child fully, who would be more worthy a candidate than I felt I was.

In retrospect, I wish I had given the subject more purposeful thought and consideration, but I have no regrets now about being childless.

posted 3 years, 7 months ago
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