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I just wanted to provide a few resources for those working with teens who may be in domestic or dating violence situations. There is a great organization called the Oregon Youthline that provided a free, 24 hour helpline specifically for teens. Their number is 1-877-553-Teen. If you call them they can send you info cards to hand out to teens and flyers to put up. The kids that we work with who have used it thinks it's great. They also have a myspace page.

Speaking of Myspace pages, we (Clackamas Women's Services) have one as well! It is meant for teens and offers information and links to other great service providers. You can access our page at www.myspace.com/cwsor.

Clackamas Women's Services also has a 24 hour crisis line that anyone can call (even men!) The number for that is 503-654-2366. Clackamas Women's Services opperates 2 shelters, a transitional housing program, free counseling, legal advocacy, community-based case management, family violence advocates at 2 DHS offices, school-based presentations on healthy relationships and dating violence, as well as trainings for community members, police departments, service organizations, busnisess, medical facilities, teachers, and more. If you want to learn more about domestic violence in relation to whatever population you work with we'd love to offer you our services, free of charge. If you are interested, you can reach us at 503-722-2366

posted 4 years, 9 months ago
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When we do our presentations to middle and high school students we constantly hear from boys, "what about us." It is a great question and one we are working to address. The reason that men are painted as perpetrators is tha,t from what we know, men often are the perpetrators. This in no way negates the need to provide services and education to men, especially those who are survivors but it does help to explain why most services are directed towards women.

At Clackamas Women's Services we are constantly working to improve our curriculum and school based services to be more inclusive of men. If we hope to ever end domestic and dating violence we have to work together (men and women). We are also interested in starting boys groups (in addition to our girls' groups). Finding men and partner organizations to do this is turning out to be quite a challenge. However, please know that we are not just providing lip service and that we do recognize the need and are working to do something about it.

posted 4 years, 9 months ago
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I think it is great that you have such strong beliefs in a "healthy" person's ability to avoid abusive relationships. However, in our experience working in the domestic violence field, we have found that perpetrators often seem like "normal" people. They often have good jobs, are charming, have good social skills, sometimes status within the community, and are generally well liked. As I mentioned before, perpetrators don't often start out being abusive. They begin a relationship being charming and thoughtful. They know how to say and do the right things to get their partners to trust them. Once the partner is invested in the relationship, the perpetrator will start to use the abuse tactics. Even then it isn't extreme physical violence all of a sudden... It is a subtle comment here or there, maybe a little push and then a lot of apologies. The abuse builds over time.

Due to these things, even "healthy" people find themselves in abusive relationships. Domestic and dating violence is not specific to one population of people, it touches the lives of the rich (who have more resources to hide it), the poor, latinos, europeans, african americans, everyone. It can happen to people young and old. To those who are highly educated and those with limited education.

I would recommend that you check out http://www.domesticviolence.org/ or the loveisrespect.org site to learn a little more about the cycle of abuse, abuse tactics, barriers to leaving, and why people say in abusive relationships. I can tell that this is an issue that you are interested in and it never hurts to have more information!

posted 4 years, 9 months ago
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I don't know exactly how to begin addressing your points here but felt like some sort of response was necessary. My initial reaction is to say that parents do not raise abusers or victims. There are plenty of children and adults who grow up in abusive homes that do not go on to be perpetrators or victims. While parenting may play a role in domestic and dating violence, it is not the cause.

I would also like to say that victims do not seek out abusive relationships. Perpetrators are extremely good at finding vulnerable women/parterns. Domestic and dating violence relationships often includes pervasive and intense emotional abuse. Over time, women's self-esteem is eroded and there is often a lot of self-blame and doubt that goes on. Perpetrators pick up on these things and are very charming upon starting a relationship, convincing their partners to trust them. Over time, they slowly begin to use abusive behaviors more frequently. It is a complicated issue, but it is not the parent's fault and it is not the survivor's fault.

To reduce domestic and dating violence to parenting style is to ignore the many other factors that contribute to this social problem. You must also take into consideration other factors such as systems of oppression, socialization, individual personality traits, etc.

posted 4 years, 9 months ago
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